IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
$IRA
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT OF THE TRENCHES.
$IRA / $SPY
IMAGINE ONE PLAY COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.
WE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO RETIRE FROM MEMECOINS.
NORMAL PEOPLE JUST BOUGHT THE MARKET.
SO WE DID BOTH.
$IRA / $SPY
THE ENTIRE THESIS IN ONE IMAGE.
“IMAGINE ONE PLAY COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.”
That sentence is basically how every trencher has approached crypto for years.
Every new ticker was: “maybe this is the one.”
Every cycle was: “maybe this is retirement.”
Every bag was: “long-term investment.”
So we finally gave that delusion an account.
IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT. $IRA
EVERY TRADE WAS ALWAYS
SUPPOSED TO BE RETIREMENT MONEY.
NOW WE FINALLY HAVE AN ACCOUNT FOR IT.
$IRA
WE TRIED TO RETIRE FROM MEMECOINS. THEY TRIED TO RETIRE FROM THE S&P 500. NOW THEY TRADE TOGETHER.
$IRA / $SPY
IMAGINE ONE PLAY
COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.
For years, crypto traders told themselves every trade was retirement money. Most of us never opened a real IRA. Most of us never bought an ETF. Most of us never built a boring diversified portfolio.
We bought frogs, dogs, cats and badly drawn internet characters.
BUT THE GOAL NEVER CHANGED. RETIRE.
That is why $IRA exists. The Imaginary Retirement Account is the retirement account of the trenches. Not because we suddenly became responsible. Because we finally gave our delusion a financial product.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF ALMOST RETIRING.
- 2009
BITCOIN
“Maybe this will retire us.”
- 2017
ICO BOOM
“Maybe this will retire us.”
- 2021
MEMECOINS
“Okay THIS will definitely retire us.”
- 2022
PORTFOLIO -90%
“Long-term investor.”
- 2024–2025
ONE MORE CYCLE.
“Any day now.”
- 2026
TRENCHERS DISCOVER STOCKS.
“Wait, these go up slowly?”
- 2026
TRENCHERS DISCOVER RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS.
“There was an account this whole time?”
- 2026
PONS LETS MEMES PAIR WITH ASSETS.
$IRA / $SPY
WE FINALLY BUILT A RETIREMENT PLAN. SORT OF.
- ▸ WORK 40 YEARS
- ▸ SAVE EVERY MONTH
- ▸ BUY INDEX FUNDS
- ▸ DON’T TOUCH IT
- ▸ RETIRE AT 65
- ▸ FIND TICKER
- ▸ SAY “THIS IS THE ONE”
- ▸ BUY
- ▸ REFRESH CHART
- ▸ IMAGINE RETIREMENT
- ▸ REPEAT
SAME GOAL. VERY DIFFERENT STRATEGY.
WHY $SPY?
$IRA
- IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
- THE TRENCHES
- THE DREAM
- THE MEME
PAIRED ON PONS.
TRADFI HAS SPY. THE TRENCHES HAVE $IRA. NOW THEY TRADE TOGETHER.
$SPY
- SPDR S&P 500 ETF
- BROAD U.S. MARKET EXPOSURE
- THE BORING WAY
- THE MARKET
Normal retirement planning is boring. Work. Save. Invest. Wait decades. One of the most recognizable ways investors get broad exposure to the U.S. stock market is SPY, which tracks the S&P 500.
Meanwhile trenchers have spent years trying to find ONE coin that retires them overnight. So on PONS we paired the two worlds.
THE MEME ABOUT RETIREMENT
PAIRED WITH THE ASSET PEOPLE
ACTUALLY USE FOR LONG-TERM INVESTING.
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK
RETIREMENT IS ONE 100X AWAY.
ACCOUNT HOLDER:
AVERAGE TRENCHER
AGE:
TOO YOUNG TO CARE ABOUT RETIREMENT
RETIREMENT TARGET:
NEXT WEEK
ASSET ALLOCATION:
100% CONVICTION
RISK TOLERANCE:
YES
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
THE GROUP CHAT
CAN I RETIRE YET?
GETTING MONEY
AND SAVING
IS ALWAYS ON META.
WE IMAGINE RETIREMENT.
WELCOME TO THE IRA CULT.
- 1THOU SHALT IMAGINE RETIREMENT.
- 2THOU SHALT SAY “ONE MORE CYCLE.”
- 3THOU SHALT CALL EVERY BAG A LONG-TERM INVESTMENT.
- 4THOU SHALT DISCOVER SPY AFTER LOSING MONEY ON 700 MEMECOINS.
- 5THOU SHALT REMAIN LONG RETIREMENT.
WE ARE NOT OLD. WE ARE JUST PLANNING VERY EARLY.
WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS SPY?
SPY is an ETF designed to track the S&P 500.
Instead of betting on one single company, the S&P 500 represents hundreds of major U.S. companies. It is one of the most recognizable symbols of broad-market investing.
Normal investors have been buying this kind of exposure for decades.
Meanwhile we were buying animal coins.
THEY HAD SPY. WE HAD MEMECOINS. NOW WE HAVE:
$IRA / $SPY
THE DAILY BROKERAGE — FINANCIAL SECTION — PAGE 4
BREAKING: TRENCHER DISCOVERS YOU CAN HOLD SOMETHING FOR MORE THAN 45 SECONDS.
“Apparently money can compound,” said one local trader, visibly shaken.
Sources confirm the trader had previously described a 45-second hold as “diamond hands.”
REACTION: HOLY SHIT.
THE MEME WALL.
ONE MORE COIN AND I RETIRE.
PORTFOLIO: -$47,000 / RETIREMENT PLAN: STILL BULLISH
MY 401K: WHAT? MY IRA: IMAGINARY.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR: DIVERSIFY. ME: INTO WHICH MEMECOIN?
NORMAL PEOPLE: SPY. TRENCHERS: WHY IS IT NOT MOVING 300% TODAY?
GETTING MONEY AND SAVING IS ALWAYS ON META.
ONE MORE PLAY AND I RETIRE.
MY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT: IMAGINARY.
NORMAL PEOPLE: 401K. TRENCHERS: $IRA.
PORTFOLIO: -93% / RETIREMENT THESIS: UNCHANGED.
THE GOAL WAS ALWAYS RETIREMENT.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR: DIVERSIFY. ME: INTO WHAT TICKER?
OPEN YOUR IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
TIME UNTIL RETIREMENT:
∞
THE PAIR IS THE THESIS.
PONS lets memes pair directly with assets.
That means $IRA does not need some random trading pair. The meme is retirement. The traditional retirement world is built around long-term investing. SPY is one of the most recognizable broad-market ETFs in the world.
$IRA / $SPY — THE IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT PAIRED WITH THE MARKET.
WE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO RETIRE FROM MEMES. NOW THE MEME TRADES AGAINST SPY.
SET UP YOUR IMAGINARY
RETIREMENT ACCOUNT TODAY.
$IRA / $SPY
IMAGINE ONE PLAY COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.
RETIREMENT STATUS: PENDING.